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Stop Paul the Psychic Octopus now!
By Dirk Bansch
Unless you have been locked away in an aquarium for the last few weeks, you will have heard about Paul the psychic octopus. Paul is an English-born cephalod who either escaped to the greener football pastures of Germany or was abducted by the German Football Association and quickly made a German citizen in order to improve the multicultural makeup of the German team. Paul's special power is that he apparently can pick the winner of any match involving Germany with uncanny accuracy. To be precise, he correctly predicted the outcome of all of Germany's 7 matches at the 2010 World Cup. The way he does it is by picking a mussel (his favourite snack) from one of two aquariums, one covered in the German flag the other in the upcoming opponent's flag. As mentioned earlier, he has picked the correct result for all 7 German matches, which equates to a probability of less than 1% (0.78%, if my calculations are correct). So, does this really mean that Paul is psychic? That he has precognitive powers? Of course not! That would be silly! So the only other explanation must be that Paul is actually creating the results that would create the most turmoil in the world. Proof? He brought down 2 great footballing nations in England and Argentina who lost to Germany in embarassing fashion. And, as soon as Germany was flying high on a wave of football euphoria, he cut them down by making them lose to Spain. What is his real agenda? Why does he want to create such chaos? Nobody knows for sure, because he doesn't talk. He just sits there, quietly munching his mussels, letting us guess what he will predict next. What if he gets bored predicting football results? Would we be able to do anything if he decides to predict another banking crisis? He needs to be stopped now! Does anybody know a good calamari recipe? |
Paul, about to predict the trouncing of the English team by the German side
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Don't mess with Paul! I LOVE Paul. I am making him the beneficiary of my phantom fortune. LOL
Calamare or pulpo, with 8 out of 8 correct predictions maybe the cephalapods have a previously unrecognised mental capacity to influence the antics of human beings? Imagine, as well as swimming in a sea of radio/TV and micro waves, it could be that we are also being calamarised or pulporised! I'm glad he got it right for Spain but I wish the Spanish knew when to stop celebrating! As for a good calamare recipe - there isn't one but there are some fabulous sauces and coatings.
The oracle octopus predicted Spain's WC 2010 victory, indeed. So did all of Spain as far as TV interviews are concerned.
Wishful thinking, positive attitudes or name it what you like, by the looks of it, the world's favorate team also knew how to play soccer to win. Perhaps, the psychic octopus also knew that, joke...
Well, I believe you must have cursed this poor octopus...I just saw a headline saying he was retiring.
CONTRIBUTOR'S REPLY
Retiring from public service. He will probably work as a private consultant from now on...
I have a great recipe... Greeks love Calamari! :)
I have put in a call to Bond... James Bond to deal with this matter.
I'm a sucker for a good octopus story.
Ha ha! Clever intel.  It can never be proven either way whether Paul created or predicted the results. You are a philosopher.
 | | nick Jul 24, 2010 05:31 | |
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